High on Complexity: Exploring Myself Through THC
There’s a peculiar moment when THC takes hold—when my mind, already a web of intricate connections and divergent patterns, becomes something even more kaleidoscopic. For me, being high isn’t an escape or a numbing experience. It’s the opposite: a doorway into a hyper-sensory, emotionally amplified, and deeply introspective state. It’s as though every layer of my being—every thought, feeling, and sensation—suddenly turns its volume up to eleven.
For someone like me—neurodivergent, analytical, and twice-exceptional—THC is not just a recreational indulgence. It’s a tool for self-exploration, a way to slip past the logical frameworks I often use to navigate life and dive into the rawness beneath. But this experience isn’t without its challenges, and its effects on my relationships, particularly with Charlotte, are both profound and deeply complex.
The Autistic Brain on THC: A Symphony of Sensation
When THC enters my system, the world transforms. Colors don’t just brighten; they hum with meaning. Music isn’t just heard; it’s felt, every note tangling with emotions and memories in ways that are almost synesthetic. Textures, smells, and tastes all take on an exaggerated richness, each one demanding attention as though it holds the secrets of the universe.
For a neurotypical person, this might sound overwhelming. For me, it’s exhilarating. My autistic traits often mean I experience the world in heightened, nuanced ways already—THC simply amplifies that baseline. But it’s not just the external world that shifts. Internally, I feel an unparalleled clarity of thought and emotion. Ideas that were once fragmented come together in a cascade of connections. Emotions I’ve compartmentalized break free, demanding to be felt and understood.
In these moments, THC serves as a kind of mental lubricant, softening rigid cognitive patterns and allowing me to access parts of myself that are usually obscured by layers of overthinking and self-consciousness. It’s not just introspection; it’s metacognition on steroids—a chance to think about my thinking and feel about my feeling in ways that are uniquely liberating.
Vulnerability Amplified
This heightened state of awareness comes with a cost: vulnerability.